He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
