you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
