the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
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