if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
