You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
