Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Randomize
