i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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