how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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