cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
