if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Randomize
