The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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