Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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