sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
