I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Randomize
