my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Randomize
