Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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