Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
