yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
