Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
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