the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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