just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
