trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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