Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Ladies don't puke and tell
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
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