Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
