erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
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