I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Randomize
