Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
