he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I look better un-naked...
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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