Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
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