marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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