dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
