Plan B is the new Plan A
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
My ass is underappreciated
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
