his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Who put my cat in the fridge?
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
