The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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