I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Randomize
