She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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