it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Randomize
