your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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