I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
