i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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