think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Non-Jews are for practice
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
