Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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