1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
