OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize