i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
