Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Randomize