are you still at the devil's house?
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
