if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
