Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
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