If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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