all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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