you traded sex for a burrito?
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
