My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
