she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
