when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
