She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
