I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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