I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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