I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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