so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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