im six kinds of drunk right now
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
