I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I believe in your delicious
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
My bed smells like the plague
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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