benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
