all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
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