I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
