The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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