We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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