i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I understand Curling. That high.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
