This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
